Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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