It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
