this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
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Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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