Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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