what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
