@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
