you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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