absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
