and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
