Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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