if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
