Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This is not my ceiling
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
