I wannas sexs uuuuu
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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