just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
