but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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