ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
babies were throwing up all over the place
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We have so much sex to catch up on
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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