Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
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So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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