Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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