Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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