Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
