Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
