You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
