I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
