I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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