Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
