I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
