I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
