i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
