My friends, they love my intelligence
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
