Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
