You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
