Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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