and i looked up. we had an audience...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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