a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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