We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
