So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
