Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
