just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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