Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
