Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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