Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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