I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
