Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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