just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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