I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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