I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
