My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
