the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
