His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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