Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
