why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
