We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
