I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
