she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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