Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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