highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
