Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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