Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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