....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
