loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
