take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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