my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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