Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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