tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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