I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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