the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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