I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My cat gives me a boner
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize